I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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