erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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