i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
