i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
