Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
