my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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