somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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