so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Houston, we have a squirter
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
