considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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