Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
The best revenge is premature balding
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
