Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i now understand why vodka
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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