The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm passing your future prison.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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