I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
