Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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