I am in a vortex of obligation.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
