After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
