I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
