I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
