i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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