She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
