I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
