I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
