My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
