Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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