I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
