Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
