Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
