i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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