hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
