It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
