I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
