YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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