Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
