I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
