My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
