maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
