I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
