but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
God I need to hump something, right now.
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