I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
