we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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