last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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