I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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