I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
