Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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