I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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