I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
