He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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