May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
