real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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