ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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