We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
