I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
