He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
